so i can't recall how many days it's been now.. i think today marked 2 weeks and 1 full days i've been eating correctly. don't tell anyone but over the weekend at my sister's crib i had some cookies, and then i decided to chase it down on sunday with an entire box of a dozen donuts, mixed pack. then i went completely cold turkey again on monday morning, and didn't gain a pound. weird. but, it also fucked up my plan.. set me back a week at least, and more reason to hate on myself.
by the way, i ran out of one of my meds going on 2 weeks ago, now. i keep checking the mailbox everyday and everyday it doesn't show. the doc just RAISED this one too so i need it. it had better show up tomorrow, got damnit.. im beginning to freak out a little.. ocd is all in your head, homeboy.. stop fidgeting so much
to make things worse, i opened the mailbox today and saw a package of meds! i was like 'sweeeeeeeet' but after opening it, i was sorrily disappointed to see it was a refill of a medication i already have plenty of. fuck you medco, your business fucking sucks. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. pot helps but its not the real thing. if you're wondering, it's klonopin. yeh. if you're familiar, you're famliar.
it's been a topsy turvy week. i settled out alright though.. took some laxatives last night, cleaned my system out so i'm back on track. i'll be thin and gorgeous in time for the beauty pagent.
i decided, to reward myself for losing weight, i'm going to go on a cruise. (i know, this doesn't make sense) however the time that i can most enjoy eating the fine cuisine aboard a luxury megaship is when i'm most comfortable and thin. so, now to decide where? probably bermuda as i want to be able to bring chronic with me. fuck airport feds.
some of my homies write to me and comment on this blog. they tell me they're concerned or troubled or upset. that's not what this is. this isn't a call for help. this isn't some secret plea for an intervention, i assure you. i've very confident in who i am, i know precisely why i do the things i do, and i have the willpower (obviously) to make changes that i want to make. obviously i enjoy what i do. this is more of a testament to willpower than a look into an eating disorder. for what is an eating disorder other than a fixation on controlling one's behavior through strict regiment?
in other words, read this for what it is. a perspective on someone who has a colorful mind.. a beautiful mind (except for all the visions) but more importantly, remember that the most interesting, amazing, and life-changing people you will meet are the ones who broke the rules, who walked the FINE line between genius and insanity, but even more significantly, who knew exactly what they were doing. and, they commanded a following.
be my sheep, folks.. i won't let you get sick, word up.
1 comments:
Wow. Wish I had self control like urs. What the hey, of you're confident in something, no one can convince you other wise.
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