A Thought About Survival Mode

One of my readers posted a comment in regards to 'eat breakfast or go into survival mode' and I wanted to speak on that point a while. Nothing too deep, but just my take on the situation.

I don't do breakfast. I don't do lunch either, and while I'm fasting, I don't do any other meals for that matter. However, when NOT fasting, and still skipping breakfast/lunch, I do have an evening meal. My reasoning behind skipping the first 2 meals is that if I eat once in the day, generally in the morning, I'm doomed to hunger for the rest of the day. It's like the old homage, if you have one cookie from the cookie jar, you'll want more and more.

Therefore, I skip breakfast. My body is already accustomed to bizarre food restrictions so just avoiding the first meal all together makes my body go into a very patternistic behavior I will discuss as follows:

First, I wake and the stomach feels empty. I fill it with crazy pills and a vitamin, a glass of water, and I'm off. The drive to work is accompanied by cigarettes and large bowls of pot, so my appetite is taken care of. (I'm never hungry in the morning, but the emptiness at times masks itself as needing food, and when exposed to a pile of donuts, could force an otherwise cunning individual to bend the rules. There's no cheating in this game.)

So, I arrive at work, and make some coffee. No sugar, only Splenda. Sugar-free Swiss Miss + one 16oz cup of black coffee + 1 packet Splenda + 1-2 ounces of half & half = the world's best low-carb, sugar-free Mocha you've ever had. I live off the stuff. But the challenge is to bypass the donuts. If I eat one, it will mean binging for the rest of the day. I can't do that to myself.

The hours pass, the coffee flows, the cigarettes are smoked at every possible moment I can, and the hunger is avoided. Literally, as soon as my first sip of coffee is taken, my masquerading hunger is gone. Just like that. Had I let my willpower go and indulged in a sweet confection, you can best your pressed hams that I'd be forced to eat endlessly for the remainder of the day. Remember, eating = the enemy.

Lunch time has finally arrived. Smoke my cigs, drive to a nice spot, smoke a bowl, focus on my thoughts for a bit, and head back to work. Just the break alone helps my mind focus as I'm back on the job, no one any wiser, and my attention finely honed. No sugar to mess me up.

So the day continues until a close, where I smoke and smoke on the drive home, never indulging on the fried chicken joint I pass by every day coming home or the banging Japanese delivery place I have on speed-dial. Nope, I consume caffeine, nicotine, tetrahydrocannabinol, and sometimes a little asparatame. I generally prefer Splenda, though.

The key to this lifestyle is complete control over yourself. If you can't handle the pile of donuts in the morning, you can't handle the rest of the day at all.

They say at AA meetings to take it one day at a time. Well to me, the day begins and ends at 9am because if I make it past then, the whole day is in the clear. Fuck breakfast, I'd rather get high.

With love, the nut.

Day 4: Again (Easier w/ Vitamins)

Greetz, folks. Day 4 is almost finished and I'm feeling so much better now. No embarrassing hunger to get in the way and I can thank the good people at "1-A-Day" vitamins for creating the WeightSmart Advanced line of goodies. (Note: if you're interesting in ad space, 1-a-Day, please email me.)

This stuff is a fully-fortified Anorexia battle weapon. Let haters hate as you blow their "you're not getting a proper diet!" whining out of the water. I find it interesting how many people feel they know my life and my health better than I do. Raspect, as the Rastas say..

Back to the vitamin though. Good appetite suppressant, 100% of the daily USDA recommended vito-mineral intake, and best of all, you don't become malnourished while you starve those pounds away. Good job, vitamin people. I commend you.

What I look forward to every day: the moment I can hash one more day off the list. I'm going for a record this time, began on January 16th, will end on February 16th, the birthdate of a one Kim Jong-Il. (For those of you too busy to pick up a newspaper or read the all-powerful wikipedia, Kim Jong-Il is the leader of North Korea.)

In the early to mid 90's, Mr Jong-Il (the Great Leader, offspring of Dear Leader) starved roughly 3 million people to death. What better day to celebrate a month of fasting than the birthday of one of the worst dictators of Earth's history? Sweeeeeeeet.

Feel free to play along with the home game. Stay tuned for more postings and insight as my mind becomes sharper, my headaches disappear, the hunger turns to analytical power and wit unbeknownst before. You just watch, it's a good show.

P.S. I'm crazy; only attempt said activities if oked by medical personnel.

If I Were a Turtle

If I were a turtle, I'd have nothing to worry about. Everything would be simple, no bills to pay, no weight to obsess over. She just eats what she wants, whenever the hell she wants, and that's life.. man what an easy life.

But I don't mind fighting the good fight. Battling the evils of sugars and all the perils along the way. I smoke pot, that helps.

Back on the Horse

I happened to have fallen off and bumped my shin along the way. But alas, I am only human. And so, I continue my voyage - the holidays past me and fresh from a mid-fast-binge. Let me digress..

For those of you who have the luxury of self-control in regards to food, you don't quite understand just how terrible a binge is. I'm not a purger, though at times I wish I was because 14 days strong I fucking went to the store and bought all kinds of junk food. This is manic for me.. and so I go home, stuff myself until I can't eat anymore, and then feel horrible. All without a second thought at the time, but then I spend weeks regretting it. It's truly a vicious cycle.

Anyhow, I reset the counter and just got past day 1.. again. I'll keep on trucking because it's what I do. Everyone fucks up, so sue me.

P.S. Tonight's meal consists of cigarettes, a lot of herb, and maybe some crystal lite if I get thirsty. Time to write..

Everyone Has an Opinion

Telling an anorexic to eat is like telling an amputee to catch. It is not a conceivable thing when you're in a certain state of mind. That does not make me dumb or weak, it merely means I have a different world view than other folks. I laugh when people think Hate mail will somehow trick me into realizing my idiocy. WOW! You showed me the light. Yer the first.

No, my friends, I did not start this blog for nutritional advice. I take my vitamins and drink fluids. I fast because I enjoy it. It relieves my migraines. I am more alert and I think more clearly.

But please, keep the positivity coming. {delete}

In response to my first comment ever

Thanks for writing bud.. you're my first comment ever. Just a couple words to that effect...

Exercise is for chumps. I don't do it because it sucks. Not eating is so easy, it requires no work and is far superior in terms of turnaround. I say eating disorders around for everyone!

Sorry, thought I kicked it for awhile

Whoooops! boy was I an idiot.. I thought I actually could kick the habit of eating on my own last time, not realizing a medication I'm taking actually increases appetite substantially. Needless to say, I've begun again after being absolutely disgusted with myself.

Here's the update:
Currently on day 6 of a fast. New Years brings new things. I can't say it's been entirely successful as I had some protein last night with my sister (as she is worried I'm not eating enough) but little does she know my kung fu is best.

So I'm not going to reset the counter again because of one fuck up. That was my mulligan and I promise fans, I will not let you down again. So here's where we're at:

Plan: Continue fast until body weight is 160 (currently 180 - as embarrassing as it is for me to state that aloud) with absolutely no intake of food of any kind, however coffee and cigarettes / pot is fine.

I've discovered Maxwell House instant coffee with the EZ Grip lid. I love it. With some 1/2 and 1/2 and a sweet&low or Splenda, it's almost as good as the real deal. Comes in decaf too. They are my staples. I also drink a lot of Crystal Lite.

Does anyone know of a good appetite suppressant? I need one bad. Thanks~! Adderall also works.

P.S. Amy Winehouse, I love you.