How'd she get this way?

I don't know what to do...I need someone who will listen...who won't judge me. I need a friend, a friend that's going through what I am. But in real life. Or someone who will talk to me over the phone. I need someone...I really do...I need a best friend that's a girl...
I was reading Eleven Minutes today, it said that humans can be starving, thirsty, tired, anything, but they really can't take loneliness. I know what they mean. Most of my life, I've been surrounded by people but I've been alone. He came along, and now he knows everything about me. He knows my flaws, he knows my disorders. He hates them now. I wish...I wish he'd support me. Then again I know it's not what he wants, and if he did, he'd be lying to himself.
I need a friend with an eating disorder. Who already has it. I don't want to bring this tragedy upon anyone.
-sigh-

Three Cheers for Five Years.

Decent day. Didn't eat as little as I wanted to. Didn't binge. I hate myself.
Boyfriend hates me. Hates my disorders. Hates the fact that my head doesn't work the way it should.
Can't see how much of a blessing he is to me.
In pain. I don't know what to do.

Shit.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.
I hate eating. I hate eating. I hate eating. I hate eating. I hate eating.
I miss eating normal. I miss eating normal. I miss eating normal. I miss eating normal. I miss eating normal.
Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I?
Fuckfuckfuckfuck.