thats right kids. day 3 well underway. haven't cheated even ONCE! no sugar, no munchies, no carbo-dealies.. today was a good day.
the key is to keep busy. like i said, the 3rd day is the hardest so i'm over the hump, now it's all smooth sailin' from here. keep it gangster! more to report soon.
p.s. know thyself
Monday, February 23, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
big-ups to all the monster island masses..
its a big day. saturday february 21st 2009 and the beginning of a new chapter in my book.
chapter 27: celebrating 11 years of destructive obsessive food hatred
i had a birthday last week. i even had a cupcake which was offered to me in celebration. i secretly hated the fact that i had to eat cupcakes at MY birthday. i'd rather have had a bag of H or some crazy new drug nobody's ever heard of. at least then i'd be putting things into my body that serve some kind of a purpose, instead of the sugar poison. poison as i feel it is killing me through emotional, chemical, and compulsory ways with every bite. and so i took action.
step 1: locate all food in the house.
this is vital to make sure you aren't hiding any food anywhere thinking "oh, i won't eat this.. it's safe." homie don't play that. all food must be gathered and organized into sections.
a) shit you'll throw away without a care -- i.e. expired food items, things you thought looked good at the store but has been untouched in your cabinet for months, etc.
b) anything you have that is ok to continue consuming during fast -- i.e. Crystal Lite powdered drink mix (no carbs, no cals, no sugar), diet colas (same drill), items that DO NOT have sugar (bbq sauce has to go, ketchup, too.. soy sauce is ok but the plan here is fasting so anything not drinkably-safe belongs in pile a) or c)...
c) delicious, sugary-devil items you can't bare to just throw out -- i.e. a brand new box of pop tarts you just bought in a weak moment, an unopened can of spaghetti sauce (also full of sugar), or other food that other humans would like to have. anything that hasn't expired or fallen into category b) belongs here.
WARNING: it is CRUCIAL you do not mix items from any categories. it will fuck up the whole thing.
NOTE: put items in category a) directly into the trash, then throw trash bag directly into the dumpster. category items b) go back into the cabinets. however, and this is very important, items in category c) need to be placed in a box, and hidden until a friend/relative/food shelter executive can relieve you of this toxic waste. it's like waiting until nuclear waste day drop-off at the city dump!
step 2: find a victim.. er friend/cohort to take this food
i used a friend of mine who is very poor. he grew up poor and thus is a mooch, and enjoys cooking. i gladly unloaded ALL remaining food in my home onto him a few minutes ago. my home is now completely void of all edible poison and only safe, aspartame-fortified, 0carb/0cal/0sugar items remain, in the cabinet, as previously instructed. he wins, i win. a win:win situation in the world of the poor / anorexic friendship arena.
step 3: assemble constipation-enders, colorful vitamins, cravings supplements, cigarettes, coffee, chronic, and crystal lite - what i like to call "the 7 stones of success" (and alliteration, charming)
each item more important than the last, the 7 stones of success are very helpful for the beginner or veteran anorexic ninja alike.
the first several items make sense: you need to get the remaining food out of your body as quickly as possible, so take a bunch of laxatives and enjoy the ride. that's the hardest stage. you need vitamins all throughout your fast to make sure you don't get sick. don't worry, vitamin B has no calories, neither does riboflavin OR calcium. kickass and carbohydrate-free. i choose a men's one-a-day and i also take a men's one-a-day weight smart advantage which is one formulated specifically for weight loss. (dont worry, if you take too many vitamins, your body expels the excess through urination) and of course, you need a supplement to help with the hunger pains the first couple of days (especially if you've been slacking lately) I like Hoodia - it's not quite approved by the FDA and kinda has me excited just to be taking it. if Reservatol ever becomes available, please email me - i'll pay anything you ask.
PROTIP: if you're fortunate to have an attention disorder (as i so luckily do, hence why I go long gaps between blog posts) and are also fortunate to have a steady prescription for add medication (again, lucky me) the best choices would be adderall, Ritalin, or my preferred brand - vyvanse. take them regularly. stimulants make you not hungry. don't get addicted. cocaine also works. same warning applies. might not sleep much, though.
now, the other items and their exponential assistance in your (and my) journey: cigarettes, coffee, chronic, and crystal lite. be sure to have an AMPLE supply of all items mentioned. don't smoke too much pot if you can't fight the hunger but if you're a veteran stoner like me, munchies stopped happening about the time the first mf doom album hit the streets (circa 2002/2003)
everyone knows a cigarette is a good appetite suppressant (which is why many jews in the holocaust would steal bread and cigarettes (bread to eat, and half a cigarette to make the remaining hunger fade a bit)
coffee (i.e. caffeine) gets the heart beat up, raises the metabolism in essence helping you burn stored fats more quickly, and is also a good appetite suppressant. plus with a little splenda and some steamed milk, it's pretty damn good - by the gallon.
chronic (i.e. weed, pot, marijuana, whatever you kids are calling it now) is a great help for us vets. as i said, it doesn't cause munchies, but it does have similar effects on human physiology as caffeine (increased heart rate, metabolism speeds up, hunger fades, focus remains, also helps you fall asleep if the Hoodia keeps you awake, as some users report) which brings me to the 7th and final stone of success...
crystal lite - the gift of delicious and relatively inexpensive endless water-based beverages with no sugar, carbohydrates, or calories. so many flavors now - iced tea w/ peach or raspberry, green tea w/ raspberry, fruit punch, white grape juice, cherry-pomegranate "energy" which stuffs some vitamins in it for flare, raspberry ice, lemonade: both yellow or pink, the choices are endless. and they're even better mixed together. i started this fast off with 4 emptied out and washed 1 gallon milk jugs filled with ice cold crystal lite. i chose 1 of only fruit punch, 1 of only white grape, then 1 of a mix of white grape and cherry-pomegranate, and the last of green tea w/ raspberry & cherry-pomegranate. these are INVALUABLE as you can and should drink as much water as possible, and crystal lite is 99% water. but it doesn't suck and taste like nothing (like water) so you can chug it. warning: buy in bulk because they're expensive in singles. (editor's note: if you prefer, sugar-free kool-aid works, or Wyler's Lite, the faux crystal like of fine grocers everywhere)
step 3: don't weigh yourself at first. give it a few days and you'll be much happier to finish
so many people quit fasting because they want immediate results. here's what i've found in my 11+ years of "Extreme Dieting®":
1. the first couple days are the hardest. you'll want to run out and binge, kill yourself, kill your friends, perhaps then eat your friends, the emotions swimming in your brain will be overwhelming. this is all normal. this is when willpower and pot are helpful. smoke it away or have some CL.
2. the morning of the 3rd day is when things start to change.. and its fun. you wake up feeling rested. you don't think of food much and aren't hungry. your body realized overnight that its time to get in shape and so it says "well, we better slow the metabolism until he has a chance to find food." that slowdown only lasts as long as it takes to trick it with the 7 stones of success and your back to weight loss bliss without any of the hunger pains.
3. after 1 week, you will notice your pants don't fit. this is positive reinforcement designed by the pant manufacturing union of America to help us with eating disorders mark our progress.
it's simple, really. if the pants fall to your hips only, keep going. if down to buttcheek, you're making progress. if they're at your ankle, time to get new pants and repeat the process. rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.
4. the last stage is really up to you. your sugar addiction will have subsided. if you had migraines before, they're gone now. your focus is so sharp. you feel a clear mind even when you're high. you have lots of energy and are looking great. you choose the ending date, but its usually best to have a set weight loss goal in mind before you begin the entire process. mine is 160 lbs. i've put on some weight and will not reveal it currently until i've fasted a couple days.
Step 4: begin
1 day down, at least 20 to go (3 weeks for those of you who can't add)
wish me luck. and post comments of encouragement.
<3 the o.g.
chapter 27: celebrating 11 years of destructive obsessive food hatred
i had a birthday last week. i even had a cupcake which was offered to me in celebration. i secretly hated the fact that i had to eat cupcakes at MY birthday. i'd rather have had a bag of H or some crazy new drug nobody's ever heard of. at least then i'd be putting things into my body that serve some kind of a purpose, instead of the sugar poison. poison as i feel it is killing me through emotional, chemical, and compulsory ways with every bite. and so i took action.
step 1: locate all food in the house.
this is vital to make sure you aren't hiding any food anywhere thinking "oh, i won't eat this.. it's safe." homie don't play that. all food must be gathered and organized into sections.
a) shit you'll throw away without a care -- i.e. expired food items, things you thought looked good at the store but has been untouched in your cabinet for months, etc.
b) anything you have that is ok to continue consuming during fast -- i.e. Crystal Lite powdered drink mix (no carbs, no cals, no sugar), diet colas (same drill), items that DO NOT have sugar (bbq sauce has to go, ketchup, too.. soy sauce is ok but the plan here is fasting so anything not drinkably-safe belongs in pile a) or c)...
c) delicious, sugary-devil items you can't bare to just throw out -- i.e. a brand new box of pop tarts you just bought in a weak moment, an unopened can of spaghetti sauce (also full of sugar), or other food that other humans would like to have. anything that hasn't expired or fallen into category b) belongs here.
WARNING: it is CRUCIAL you do not mix items from any categories. it will fuck up the whole thing.
NOTE: put items in category a) directly into the trash, then throw trash bag directly into the dumpster. category items b) go back into the cabinets. however, and this is very important, items in category c) need to be placed in a box, and hidden until a friend/relative/food shelter executive can relieve you of this toxic waste. it's like waiting until nuclear waste day drop-off at the city dump!
step 2: find a victim.. er friend/cohort to take this food
i used a friend of mine who is very poor. he grew up poor and thus is a mooch, and enjoys cooking. i gladly unloaded ALL remaining food in my home onto him a few minutes ago. my home is now completely void of all edible poison and only safe, aspartame-fortified, 0carb/0cal/0sugar items remain, in the cabinet, as previously instructed. he wins, i win. a win:win situation in the world of the poor / anorexic friendship arena.
step 3: assemble constipation-enders, colorful vitamins, cravings supplements, cigarettes, coffee, chronic, and crystal lite - what i like to call "the 7 stones of success" (and alliteration, charming)
each item more important than the last, the 7 stones of success are very helpful for the beginner or veteran anorexic ninja alike.
the first several items make sense: you need to get the remaining food out of your body as quickly as possible, so take a bunch of laxatives and enjoy the ride. that's the hardest stage. you need vitamins all throughout your fast to make sure you don't get sick. don't worry, vitamin B has no calories, neither does riboflavin OR calcium. kickass and carbohydrate-free. i choose a men's one-a-day and i also take a men's one-a-day weight smart advantage which is one formulated specifically for weight loss. (dont worry, if you take too many vitamins, your body expels the excess through urination) and of course, you need a supplement to help with the hunger pains the first couple of days (especially if you've been slacking lately) I like Hoodia - it's not quite approved by the FDA and kinda has me excited just to be taking it. if Reservatol ever becomes available, please email me - i'll pay anything you ask.
PROTIP: if you're fortunate to have an attention disorder (as i so luckily do, hence why I go long gaps between blog posts) and are also fortunate to have a steady prescription for add medication (again, lucky me) the best choices would be adderall, Ritalin, or my preferred brand - vyvanse. take them regularly. stimulants make you not hungry. don't get addicted. cocaine also works. same warning applies. might not sleep much, though.
now, the other items and their exponential assistance in your (and my) journey: cigarettes, coffee, chronic, and crystal lite. be sure to have an AMPLE supply of all items mentioned. don't smoke too much pot if you can't fight the hunger but if you're a veteran stoner like me, munchies stopped happening about the time the first mf doom album hit the streets (circa 2002/2003)
everyone knows a cigarette is a good appetite suppressant (which is why many jews in the holocaust would steal bread and cigarettes (bread to eat, and half a cigarette to make the remaining hunger fade a bit)
coffee (i.e. caffeine) gets the heart beat up, raises the metabolism in essence helping you burn stored fats more quickly, and is also a good appetite suppressant. plus with a little splenda and some steamed milk, it's pretty damn good - by the gallon.
chronic (i.e. weed, pot, marijuana, whatever you kids are calling it now) is a great help for us vets. as i said, it doesn't cause munchies, but it does have similar effects on human physiology as caffeine (increased heart rate, metabolism speeds up, hunger fades, focus remains, also helps you fall asleep if the Hoodia keeps you awake, as some users report) which brings me to the 7th and final stone of success...
crystal lite - the gift of delicious and relatively inexpensive endless water-based beverages with no sugar, carbohydrates, or calories. so many flavors now - iced tea w/ peach or raspberry, green tea w/ raspberry, fruit punch, white grape juice, cherry-pomegranate "energy" which stuffs some vitamins in it for flare, raspberry ice, lemonade: both yellow or pink, the choices are endless. and they're even better mixed together. i started this fast off with 4 emptied out and washed 1 gallon milk jugs filled with ice cold crystal lite. i chose 1 of only fruit punch, 1 of only white grape, then 1 of a mix of white grape and cherry-pomegranate, and the last of green tea w/ raspberry & cherry-pomegranate. these are INVALUABLE as you can and should drink as much water as possible, and crystal lite is 99% water. but it doesn't suck and taste like nothing (like water) so you can chug it. warning: buy in bulk because they're expensive in singles. (editor's note: if you prefer, sugar-free kool-aid works, or Wyler's Lite, the faux crystal like of fine grocers everywhere)
step 3: don't weigh yourself at first. give it a few days and you'll be much happier to finish
so many people quit fasting because they want immediate results. here's what i've found in my 11+ years of "Extreme Dieting®":
1. the first couple days are the hardest. you'll want to run out and binge, kill yourself, kill your friends, perhaps then eat your friends, the emotions swimming in your brain will be overwhelming. this is all normal. this is when willpower and pot are helpful. smoke it away or have some CL.
2. the morning of the 3rd day is when things start to change.. and its fun. you wake up feeling rested. you don't think of food much and aren't hungry. your body realized overnight that its time to get in shape and so it says "well, we better slow the metabolism until he has a chance to find food." that slowdown only lasts as long as it takes to trick it with the 7 stones of success and your back to weight loss bliss without any of the hunger pains.
3. after 1 week, you will notice your pants don't fit. this is positive reinforcement designed by the pant manufacturing union of America to help us with eating disorders mark our progress.
it's simple, really. if the pants fall to your hips only, keep going. if down to buttcheek, you're making progress. if they're at your ankle, time to get new pants and repeat the process. rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.
4. the last stage is really up to you. your sugar addiction will have subsided. if you had migraines before, they're gone now. your focus is so sharp. you feel a clear mind even when you're high. you have lots of energy and are looking great. you choose the ending date, but its usually best to have a set weight loss goal in mind before you begin the entire process. mine is 160 lbs. i've put on some weight and will not reveal it currently until i've fasted a couple days.
Step 4: begin
1 day down, at least 20 to go (3 weeks for those of you who can't add)
wish me luck. and post comments of encouragement.
<3 the o.g.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Epic Punishment Fast: day 2
i must preface this post with a warning to all you copy monkeys out there that see and then do. or in this case, read and then do. don't do what i do. this is merely a window into my fucked up psyche and a place that i will vent a bit. of course u know i say this out of anger and encourage anyone who is having problems of their own to take it out on food, but i don't want any fucking arrest warrants issued in my name for being the next Biggs inspirer, ya dig? Don't keel over and blame me.
Anyhow, I've decided to punish myself for a situation that in all sane thinking is not my fault. however, after reading the short introduction, you will clearly see why this has got to be my fault and only repairable by starvation.
had a shitty friday.. met this really awesome girl, we were both really into each other.. lying together on my sofa.. she takes 1 hit of the bowl, freaks out and leaves.. she goes 'dont lose my number, im sorry.. im sorry' all this shit
naturally hasn't answered a call, text or anything since so my hearts kinda broke.. first girl i've had interest in in months.
i still can't figure it out and it's driving me crazy.. i just slept through saturday bc i was so bummed
she's like my double.. same interests, crazies everything
i wasnt tryin to mess around with her or anything. i kept telling her no bc i have a bad habit of fuckin a girl on a first date and then never calling her again, and i was feeling this chick..
and then poof.
im still hella bummed. ah well whatever
she told me she was single - divorced, ironically. she told me i looked perfect and didnt need to lose any weight when that whole topic came up (often does when i don't have a lot of food in the house and people inquire why)
ive never had a female just up and bounce.. not after trying to get in my pants the whole fkin night wtf
behave and lose. this experience will further teach me to use sex as a manipulation tool yay! <3
so, because it must obviously be because i did something wrong, or am too fat to deserve such a beautiful girl, i will not eat for many days.
day 2 going smoothly.
im not even watching the scale, it's not about that. it's about letting things get out of hand. and to think i'd already lost like 10 lbs since my last blog post just by switching to a fruit diet for awhile. and now look what happened?
no food ever.
bye friends
Anyhow, I've decided to punish myself for a situation that in all sane thinking is not my fault. however, after reading the short introduction, you will clearly see why this has got to be my fault and only repairable by starvation.
had a shitty friday.. met this really awesome girl, we were both really into each other.. lying together on my sofa.. she takes 1 hit of the bowl, freaks out and leaves.. she goes 'dont lose my number, im sorry.. im sorry' all this shit
naturally hasn't answered a call, text or anything since so my hearts kinda broke.. first girl i've had interest in in months.
i still can't figure it out and it's driving me crazy.. i just slept through saturday bc i was so bummed
she's like my double.. same interests, crazies everything
i wasnt tryin to mess around with her or anything. i kept telling her no bc i have a bad habit of fuckin a girl on a first date and then never calling her again, and i was feeling this chick..
and then poof.
im still hella bummed. ah well whatever
she told me she was single - divorced, ironically. she told me i looked perfect and didnt need to lose any weight when that whole topic came up (often does when i don't have a lot of food in the house and people inquire why)
ive never had a female just up and bounce.. not after trying to get in my pants the whole fkin night wtf
behave and lose. this experience will further teach me to use sex as a manipulation tool yay! <3
so, because it must obviously be because i did something wrong, or am too fat to deserve such a beautiful girl, i will not eat for many days.
day 2 going smoothly.
im not even watching the scale, it's not about that. it's about letting things get out of hand. and to think i'd already lost like 10 lbs since my last blog post just by switching to a fruit diet for awhile. and now look what happened?
no food ever.
bye friends
Monday, October 20, 2008
step 2: find your comfort
i promised the next entry would be helpful. so here the fuck it is.
PROTIP: want an interesting and highly effective appetite suppressant?
answer: acid. yep... LSD. preferably high doses of it.*
* causes loss of sleep which marijuana helps with though may cause munchies for the weak
you heard me right.. there are certain items i've neglected to mention as excellent hunger suppressants. either legal and/or addictive reasons have caused me to censor these tips, but fuck censorship.. even on myself.
items that eliminate your hunger:
1. cocaine
2. crack cocaine
3. lsd
4. large doses of coffee
5. methamphetamine
6. amphetamines / stimulants such as ritilin / adderall / stratera
7. prozac (causes sexual side effects in some people; like me)
8. smoking an entire pack of cigarettes
9. marijuana (ONLY if you have trained the munchies away)
10. eating with your shirt off to remind you what a slob you are
im not going to fucking hide this shit anymore.. im not embarrassed of who i am. i just don't feel like explaining myself to everyone i meet. this gives me anonymity and a great place to vent my anger about food. ive been like this for so so so long that i can't, don't, and won't choose another way..
people LOVE to tell me how dangerous it is to my health, but um, i feel healthier now than i have ever before in my life.
todays monday. day 1 of the fast. i hope i don't fail. its so hard once the pill kicks in later.. please someone suggest another great appetite suppressant because items 3, 4, 8, 9, and 10 are the only items i enjoy. the rest are gay, and some i haven't tried (and wont, like meth.. or crack) but that's just me.. if u already got a habit then use it in your favor, ya dig?
here's a little present to my loyal fans. marvin gaye - inner city blues a great track. i've been playing it for 3 weeks in my car.
to you hip hop fans, check this dope stream i found from some cat named mcfisherprice from connecticut.. he's good.. http://www.myspace.com/mcfisherprice is his myspace address but his live stream is: http://djbooth.serverroom.us:4846/listen.pls and you can usually catch it on in the evenings..
k more to come as soon as i catch a free minute.
i'm having the word "eat." tattooed onto my right wrist (minus the quotes) because i need to remember to eat but i choose not to. you see the paradox?
PROTIP: want an interesting and highly effective appetite suppressant?
answer: acid. yep... LSD. preferably high doses of it.*
* causes loss of sleep which marijuana helps with though may cause munchies for the weak
you heard me right.. there are certain items i've neglected to mention as excellent hunger suppressants. either legal and/or addictive reasons have caused me to censor these tips, but fuck censorship.. even on myself.
items that eliminate your hunger:
1. cocaine
2. crack cocaine
3. lsd
4. large doses of coffee
5. methamphetamine
6. amphetamines / stimulants such as ritilin / adderall / stratera
7. prozac (causes sexual side effects in some people; like me)
8. smoking an entire pack of cigarettes
9. marijuana (ONLY if you have trained the munchies away)
10. eating with your shirt off to remind you what a slob you are
im not going to fucking hide this shit anymore.. im not embarrassed of who i am. i just don't feel like explaining myself to everyone i meet. this gives me anonymity and a great place to vent my anger about food. ive been like this for so so so long that i can't, don't, and won't choose another way..
people LOVE to tell me how dangerous it is to my health, but um, i feel healthier now than i have ever before in my life.
todays monday. day 1 of the fast. i hope i don't fail. its so hard once the pill kicks in later.. please someone suggest another great appetite suppressant because items 3, 4, 8, 9, and 10 are the only items i enjoy. the rest are gay, and some i haven't tried (and wont, like meth.. or crack) but that's just me.. if u already got a habit then use it in your favor, ya dig?
here's a little present to my loyal fans. marvin gaye - inner city blues a great track. i've been playing it for 3 weeks in my car.
to you hip hop fans, check this dope stream i found from some cat named mcfisherprice from connecticut.. he's good.. http://www.myspace.com/mcfisherprice is his myspace address but his live stream is: http://djbooth.serverroom.us:4846/listen.pls and you can usually catch it on in the evenings..
k more to come as soon as i catch a free minute.
i'm having the word "eat." tattooed onto my right wrist (minus the quotes) because i need to remember to eat but i choose not to. you see the paradox?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
step 1: find your reason
i realize i'm not the most responsible when it comes to this blog. sometimes i just want to starve in peace and then i remember that other people enjoy it, too. im currently listening to some marvin gaye and it helps a lot..
p.s. if anyone likes hip hop and r&b, please feel free to tune into my live shoutcast stream anytime. Winamp (available @ http://www.winamp.com for free) is the best program to use but i think itunes and windows media player works too..
anyhow, load up winamp, hit CTRL + L and then paste in the following address:
http://djbooth.serverroom.us:4846/listen.pls
you can also try just clicking the above link to see if it'll automatically load. i DJ mostly at night in the evenings (7pm - 10/11pm EST) so if you tune in and it's not broadcasting, just wait till night fall and smoke some chronic to the classic era gold.
so here's the deal...
ive been watching a shitload of episodes of Intervention lately.. im really glad i never developed the urge to purge, because that frankly makes me a bit nauceous (not to be cute). but i got my own demons to deal with.
and so i start over. today i havent eaten anything and i need to continue this for the foreseeable future. somewhere along the line i accepted sugar back into my life and that is such a fucking sign of weakness.
fuck you and your sugar byproducts
i need to find a girl and quick.. only like 20 lbs to lose this time (the same 20 i've been battling with for 6 months now).. its the caving and the close proximity to convience (domino's pizza delivery, Donut Delight open 24/7, as is the convenience store that stocks my favorite lays baked chips and Ben & Jerry's.. its tough on me
but i ate all my remaining food last night, and hopefully my laziness will overpower my impulses to drive out and binge on sugar like i do a lot.
this blog has taken a strange turn to the blog side more than the How To Guide. i apologize, sometimes life absorbs us.. i will be returning this guide to it's regularly scheduled programming for the next post. after all, this is where i jot my thoughts in hopes of helping other e.d. crazies out there..
i love you fans, thanks for reading and i'm always always always on your side.. fuck everyone else, we know what's attractive and we won't settle for anything less.
p.s. youtube: intervention (and then start watching some episodes) and your world view might change a little, too
p.s. if anyone likes hip hop and r&b, please feel free to tune into my live shoutcast stream anytime. Winamp (available @ http://www.winamp.com for free) is the best program to use but i think itunes and windows media player works too..
anyhow, load up winamp, hit CTRL + L and then paste in the following address:
http://djbooth.serverroom.us:4846/listen.pls
you can also try just clicking the above link to see if it'll automatically load. i DJ mostly at night in the evenings (7pm - 10/11pm EST) so if you tune in and it's not broadcasting, just wait till night fall and smoke some chronic to the classic era gold.
so here's the deal...
ive been watching a shitload of episodes of Intervention lately.. im really glad i never developed the urge to purge, because that frankly makes me a bit nauceous (not to be cute). but i got my own demons to deal with.
and so i start over. today i havent eaten anything and i need to continue this for the foreseeable future. somewhere along the line i accepted sugar back into my life and that is such a fucking sign of weakness.
fuck you and your sugar byproducts
i need to find a girl and quick.. only like 20 lbs to lose this time (the same 20 i've been battling with for 6 months now).. its the caving and the close proximity to convience (domino's pizza delivery, Donut Delight open 24/7, as is the convenience store that stocks my favorite lays baked chips and Ben & Jerry's.. its tough on me
but i ate all my remaining food last night, and hopefully my laziness will overpower my impulses to drive out and binge on sugar like i do a lot.
this blog has taken a strange turn to the blog side more than the How To Guide. i apologize, sometimes life absorbs us.. i will be returning this guide to it's regularly scheduled programming for the next post. after all, this is where i jot my thoughts in hopes of helping other e.d. crazies out there..
i love you fans, thanks for reading and i'm always always always on your side.. fuck everyone else, we know what's attractive and we won't settle for anything less.
p.s. youtube: intervention (and then start watching some episodes) and your world view might change a little, too
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
fuck. i mean really.. fuuuuuck.
it's been awhile since i've written, and i admit that for daily fans that's a sure fire way to make people stop frequenting my brain dumps.. but i have a good reason for that. (when i go through long pauses it's because i've obviously cheated on my dieting regiment, am too embarrassed to report any news, and thus figure you'll enjoy it when i come back with good news)! well, i can't say it's good news at all. my friend is going to be returning to prison. and it really tears me up.
he became my best friend - a model of what state-mandated rehabilitation is intended to create. and now, like so many other close people in my life, he's being snatched away over some bullshit and i probably won't get to see him for awhile. that upsets me quite a bit.
generally ice cream or binging on donuts would make me happy right now. but for some reason, i can't eat. i don't want to eat. so i'm beginning a fast - but for a different reason. ghandi once convinced a government simply by not eating.
today i begin my fast in non-violent opposition of the state sending my best friend away. i will not eat, i will only drink sugar-free crystal lite, water, or diet colas. i will not take sugar into my body. if i can't be there to support him on the inside, i'll choose to limit myself voluntarily as a free man. freedom.. it's a tricky thing.
i'll keep you posted. not for weight, or pounds lost. fuck, i'm not even stepping on the scale this time. i don't know who to blame for the situation but i feel as though a close friend has been stolen from me. i'm going to regain control in another way, and work towards overcoming a serious sugar addiction in the process.
i've smoked more varieties and quantities of pot than cheech, chong, and their entire writing staff. i smoke cigarettes and drink lots of coffee. i drank a bit of alcohol in college. i've tried shrooms, acid, coke (both powder and crystalline), heroin, ecstasy, DXM, salvia, a WIDE variety and rainbow assortment of pharmaceuticals - both swallowed and snorted, i've enjoyed balloons full of nitrous, and i've even mixed a number of the above items/activities and combined them into amazing nights of bliss.
of all the items in the above list, EVEN including pot (which we've covered as being medicinally beneficial to me) and tobacco (which I often give up cold turkey for months or years at a time), nothing is more addicting to me than sugar.
let me repeat that. the drugs typically classified as "SO ADDICTIVE" (editor's note: please notice meth is not on that list. it will never be. period) pale in comparison to the addictive qualities of processed sugar aka high-fructose corn syrup, bleached white sugar, etc etc etc.
for those of you in the back with wax in your ears, don't believe the hype D.A.R.E. tries shoving down your throats. you need to be more concerned with what the lunch lady is shoving down your throat, in my opinion.
i'm already craving something sweet right now. this fucking medication (from the doctor) messes with the brain's ability to determine proper blood sugar, so i go all day feeling absolutely not hungry, than as soon as the necessary pill kicks in, i feel like i haven't eaten in 3 months.
i'll keep you posted.
i miss u homeboy.. i'll visit u the first minute i'm allowed to
-peace-
he became my best friend - a model of what state-mandated rehabilitation is intended to create. and now, like so many other close people in my life, he's being snatched away over some bullshit and i probably won't get to see him for awhile. that upsets me quite a bit.
generally ice cream or binging on donuts would make me happy right now. but for some reason, i can't eat. i don't want to eat. so i'm beginning a fast - but for a different reason. ghandi once convinced a government simply by not eating.
today i begin my fast in non-violent opposition of the state sending my best friend away. i will not eat, i will only drink sugar-free crystal lite, water, or diet colas. i will not take sugar into my body. if i can't be there to support him on the inside, i'll choose to limit myself voluntarily as a free man. freedom.. it's a tricky thing.
i'll keep you posted. not for weight, or pounds lost. fuck, i'm not even stepping on the scale this time. i don't know who to blame for the situation but i feel as though a close friend has been stolen from me. i'm going to regain control in another way, and work towards overcoming a serious sugar addiction in the process.
i've smoked more varieties and quantities of pot than cheech, chong, and their entire writing staff. i smoke cigarettes and drink lots of coffee. i drank a bit of alcohol in college. i've tried shrooms, acid, coke (both powder and crystalline), heroin, ecstasy, DXM, salvia, a WIDE variety and rainbow assortment of pharmaceuticals - both swallowed and snorted, i've enjoyed balloons full of nitrous, and i've even mixed a number of the above items/activities and combined them into amazing nights of bliss.
of all the items in the above list, EVEN including pot (which we've covered as being medicinally beneficial to me) and tobacco (which I often give up cold turkey for months or years at a time), nothing is more addicting to me than sugar.
let me repeat that. the drugs typically classified as "SO ADDICTIVE" (editor's note: please notice meth is not on that list. it will never be. period) pale in comparison to the addictive qualities of processed sugar aka high-fructose corn syrup, bleached white sugar, etc etc etc.
for those of you in the back with wax in your ears, don't believe the hype D.A.R.E. tries shoving down your throats. you need to be more concerned with what the lunch lady is shoving down your throat, in my opinion.
i'm already craving something sweet right now. this fucking medication (from the doctor) messes with the brain's ability to determine proper blood sugar, so i go all day feeling absolutely not hungry, than as soon as the necessary pill kicks in, i feel like i haven't eaten in 3 months.
i'll keep you posted.
i miss u homeboy.. i'll visit u the first minute i'm allowed to
-peace-
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
AWESOME NEWS FOR ME
hello fans.. 13 pounds lost. 13! i'm so excited. my pants are too big, my sugar addiction is subsiding greatly, and i finally got the order of Rimonabant from India to arrive.. for those who didn't see the earlier post on that medication, it's not approved for US use by the FDA, but the Indian government sees nothing wrong with it =]
it's a fantastic anoretic and not only helps obese people stop eating by literally killing appetite, it makes the thought of sugar disgust me. ROCK
so i'm down to 177.0 lbs and am almost halfway there. this has been a very successful fasting project 3.0, even with the occasional slip ups. i've realized i lose weight more rapidly if i fast completely for 4 or 5 days, then have a little something.. even haagen daas coconut ice cream, it tricks my metabolism into thinking i'm eating regularly again and thus burns calories back at the normal speed. it's a rollercoaster of eat / no eat, but it kicks fucking ass as a constantly downward weight loss plan. haven't gained a single pound back from day one.
to my fans.. i love you. i'm sick in the head so be sure you understand what you're getting into before trying my zaney approach. i'm going to furnish some photos soon of my body only because i'm hoping to keep this blog on an anonymous level. i dont want people emailing my personal address being like "OH YOU ARE RUINING YOURSELF." that is not what it's about.
but now, i have to smoke lots of pot. only 17 lbs remaining and I will have reached my target weight of 160 @ 5'10, the perfect weight for a breakdancer hip hop crazy kid.
p.s. if any of you want help designing a plan that will fit into your own life, don't hesitate to comment.. it's obviously working for me ;)
it's a fantastic anoretic and not only helps obese people stop eating by literally killing appetite, it makes the thought of sugar disgust me. ROCK
so i'm down to 177.0 lbs and am almost halfway there. this has been a very successful fasting project 3.0, even with the occasional slip ups. i've realized i lose weight more rapidly if i fast completely for 4 or 5 days, then have a little something.. even haagen daas coconut ice cream, it tricks my metabolism into thinking i'm eating regularly again and thus burns calories back at the normal speed. it's a rollercoaster of eat / no eat, but it kicks fucking ass as a constantly downward weight loss plan. haven't gained a single pound back from day one.
to my fans.. i love you. i'm sick in the head so be sure you understand what you're getting into before trying my zaney approach. i'm going to furnish some photos soon of my body only because i'm hoping to keep this blog on an anonymous level. i dont want people emailing my personal address being like "OH
but now, i have to smoke lots of pot. only 17 lbs remaining and I will have reached my target weight of 160 @ 5'10, the perfect weight for a breakdancer hip hop crazy kid.
p.s. if any of you want help designing a plan that will fit into your own life, don't hesitate to comment.. it's obviously working for me ;)
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