Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all, "a disappointment." Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don't want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it's too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can't stop.

Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

How'd she get this way?

I don't know what to do...I need someone who will listen...who won't judge me. I need a friend, a friend that's going through what I am. But in real life. Or someone who will talk to me over the phone. I need someone...I really do...I need a best friend that's a girl...
I was reading Eleven Minutes today, it said that humans can be starving, thirsty, tired, anything, but they really can't take loneliness. I know what they mean. Most of my life, I've been surrounded by people but I've been alone. He came along, and now he knows everything about me. He knows my flaws, he knows my disorders. He hates them now. I wish...I wish he'd support me. Then again I know it's not what he wants, and if he did, he'd be lying to himself.
I need a friend with an eating disorder. Who already has it. I don't want to bring this tragedy upon anyone.
-sigh-
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5 comments:

  1. LillyApril 6, 2012 at 9:15 AM

    Hey, I saw this post and It really hit me. I don't have anyone that I can talk to either and just started my blog today. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AlexMay 12, 2012 at 10:28 PM

      I agree. If you still need someone then i would be happy to help

      Delete
  2. AlexMay 12, 2012 at 10:11 PM

    I really hope you know how many people feel like you do. I have no one and i need someone like you who knows the battle. If you want to talk please tell me and ill give you my number

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownNovember 12, 2012 at 10:13 AM

    I have an eating disorder.. I need someone to talk to

    ReplyDelete
  4. LindseyxoxoNovember 20, 2012 at 6:55 AM

    we should created a skyping circle with a few choice people where we can talk.normal people think your nutz when you honestly talk about how you feel.i was watching on you tube a documentary on ana and it made me watch another....and another...and another mostly because my heart went out to those girls because how do you honestly begin eatting again when all you hear are FAT councilors telling you you need to eat and one look at them and i wouldnt touch a thing.i THINK i have got a good hold on my ana a good balance anyways..i eat only one meal a day which is always a healthy one i cook for my live-in boyfriend he knows i have a ana history but belives im over it.it keeps up the apperance that i eat all the time.i excersize once a day for 1-2hrs.i have figured out my safe weight and try not to go over or under by 5 lbs it will either make me look sickly or fat i think that you can live with ana if you seriously consider what would make you happy and where the cut off is because ppl knowing whats up starts alot of those unwanted convos.my unhealthy looking weight is under 103 my fatest i can except is 107 if i hit 110 i want to chop off a arm to lose the weight!i am 5.6 so for my build it may seem big but under 100 is un acheviable i look like a skeleton i have pics of me at 102 and it aint prety i love 105 it makes me very happy.if your taller than me give up that 100 mark because its a dead give away you have a problem if yor less then 5,3 then ill give you 95 lbs but thats pushin it.ive lived with it from age 13 i am now 27 so thats more than half my life.i would love to be a councilor but i never went to school for it i think us ana survivors need each other so we can live healthier lives.alas i went to beauty school for the reason that i wanted to make ppl feel prettier and better about themselves yet when they sit in my chair they always ask whats my secret i cant actually tell them.

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